A Personal Reflection

A lot of people go to India to “find themselves.” Nicole returned to her parent’s homeland to reclaim her Indian roots (or perhaps claim them for the first time). A friend of hers may come to the country after a recent divorce to “get back on track.” Another friend of mine wanted to “feel closer to her natural side” after a few years of monotonous office work. A couple I met earlier this year in Jamaica started their world travels in India after saving up all of their savings—they spent 6 months here, and thus began their new life.

Today at the New Vishnuanthi Temple, dozens of Hindus said their prayers. Students rang the prayer bell, women in their ornate saris and stoic faces placed flowers on the altars. A woman lit a candle in the corner and chanted “Om, Ram…” Over and over. Lost in prayer. But found.

I always feel a special silence in temples. A soothing relaxation that calms the humidity. Shoeless and worry-free.

But that is all. Even at my Jewish temples and synagogues. A relaxing still, but not much else. Pure appreciation of others, and the historical spirituality, but nothing within myself.

I flash back to the times I’ve been moved. At the Women’s Day Celebration in South Africa, honoring the freedom and rights that women have gained. But also celebrating ten years of democracy in the country. The Anti-Globalization march in Chile, filled with rowdy youth and passionate anger. A togetherness that was extremely powerful. And the Anti-War march in Washington D.C., seeking to get our voices heard in resistance to the Iraq War. These events are where I have teared up. Felt alive. Been moved.

I suppose it’s fitting that I will be pursuing my PhD in political science. To me, politics can be powerful, both ideologically but also personally. Almost like a faith. I’ve been giddy all day after receiving my assignment to be a Teacher’s Assistant for my first semester of grad school. Politics in a Multicultural Society. It just feels good.

I sit in one of the holiest cities in India, and struggle to feel the holiness. Not surprisingly, because I’m not Hindu. And not very religious. But it makes me think of what I’m supposed to find here in India. Myself? I feel the overwhelmingness and the frustration of the poverty. The sadness. But also the joy of the people. But perhaps not the political joy that has touched me in the past. That is my challenge. And perhaps I just need to look inside to recalibrate my own expectations first.

I am doing yoga tomorrow.